Never leave till tomorrow that which you can do today...

If I could sum up my multitude of flaws into one word, it would be procrastination. Tonight I realized the gravity of my procrastinating ways...it made we want to hop in the old delorian with Doc & Marty and go back ten years to the birth of my son Aiden. That's where my disease took root in my life, the disease of putting off what needs to be done. What seemed like a simple act of occasional postponing in areas of my life was a habit I would so gravely regret down the road.

Parenting. What a crazy beautiful exhausting rewarding beast that title is! Over my past ten years as VP of the Sullivan household I can honestly say...I've been winging it! My poor kids have certainly been guinea pigs to me trying to figure out what the world I am doing, and unfortunately for them it's usually trail by error. I think sometimes I take being a Mom for granted, actually I know I do. I have faint memories of life before kids and the freedom that came with it. I know in my heart I would never truly want that life back, it would be shallow in comparison to the depths that being a mother has granted me. Sure I miss the novelties of sleep, privacy, and the body that I wasn't afraid to wear a bikini in. But those stretch marks were a small price to pay in the big scheme of things. If only the job came with a manual specific to your unique children. I often wonder if my kids did come out of the womb clutching their own personal 'How To Raise Me' booklet if I would even bother to follow the instruction anyway. I doubt it, after all we were given the Bible, God's instruction manual for this life and more times than I'd like to admit fail to consult it, especially when it's wisdom would be valuable.

When it comes to procrastination in my role as parent it is painfully obvious where I went wrong. When I was younger, and knew everything...I sat upon my throne of judgement. I had a list of all the things I would never do with my kids. My imaginary children would be perfect little angels. Then I actually had kids, and it seems in every single situation I had passed judgement on some other poor mom pre-kid, well I endured the reality of post-kid. My personality often works against me, being a non-confrontational human being doesn't generally work out with kids, they need a consistent disciplinarian. They need firm lines and an understanding of consequences. You look pretty ridiculous chasing your child around a store counting to three twenty times after yelling "I'm going to count to three and if you don't get in the basket you're going to get it!" Kids are smarter than they let on, sure they eat their own boogers but I am convinced that just to throw us off of their brilliance. They learn quick if mom is serious, or if she's just blowing smoke. I procrastinated being consistent with my kids, who are now 10 & 6 years old. Trust me when I say, it would have bode me well to have established my role as parent early on.

Procrastination is just an alias for laziness. A clever disguise, we often feel better about using the term procrastination over admitting it's just a fancy word for lazy. I don't doubt that all my fellow procrastinators are good intentioned human beings. I know I am! I get up every morning with high hopes of overcoming the day. I think it's those high hopes that usually end up shooting me in the foot for success. I am an overachiever, without the achieving. If I were to sit down the night before and put together a 'To Do' list it would likely be unattainable. An example would be my housekeeping, or lack thereof. I have the hardest time just picking up as I go, usually my house is either impeccably spotless or an episode of hoarders...there is no in-between.

Same goes for my weight loss, or lack thereof. I am either on point with exercise and eating or I am off the wagon washing down my defeat with Thai Town and cheesecake. Hmmmmm...seems to me there is a pattern. It's all or nothing with this girl, and unfortunately perfection is impossible, and let's be honest...it's exhausting.

So how does one reform themselves? Is admitting it enough? Hello everybody, my name is Joy and I am a habitual procrastinator. Dang it...that didn't cure me. So how does one overcome such character flaws? Honestly I think we complicate the solutions, God makes it so simple. I have read a few to many books, all chalk full of information. The books felt overwhelming to me, there was so much that you supposedly had to do to overcome these things in your life, and a lot of it seemed very self seeking. I found the answer in the bible, in Romans Chapter 12 verse 2 "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will."

Transform your mind. He doesn't stop there either, he gives you the amazing gift of the Holy Spirit to help you achieve just that. If you begin anything with a negative attitude, chances are you are going fail. I look at my weight loss struggles and it so evident that the majority of my failures in that department have to do with my thoughts bleeding over into actions. I decide long before I actually cheat on a diet that I'm going to...well cheat on my diet. I decide in my mind that I'm not in the mood to discipline my children, so I let them off the hook. I decide in my mind the house is just to filthy and there is no point in cleaning just the living room, I will just do the entire house tomorrow. The end result? I'm unhappy with how I look, the house looks, and my kids behave. And when everything is put off till tomorrow...you start tomorrow overwhelmed.

I struggle daily with all of the above. I am constantly at war with my dependency on procrastination. My prayer every morning is for God to renew my mind, so that I can recognize when I'm putting things off, or being lazy. When I want to rationalize my behavior I simply recite Galatians 6:9 "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." And then repeat throughout the day, and my hope is that someday I won't have to fight as hard, that the urge to procrastinate will be less and less. I am also learning how to handle when I fail, when my mind reverts back to it's old way of thinking. Learning to accept that and not allow it derail me entirely is another battle. I am thankful though....thankful that God hasn't given up on me, that he continues to answer those prayers and continue in refining me as painful as the process is proving to be. It beats being stagnant.

“Success is not obtained overnight. It comes in installments; you get a little bit today, a little bit tomorrow until the whole package is given out. The day you procrastinate, you lose that day's success.”   ~