“Stay close to people who feel like sunlight...”
Aiden.
When you believe in God, you realize the magnitude of being a parent so much differently, than if it was all just by chance. When this little tiny human emerges you can appreciate that they were crafted by the creator, not just a lump of cells and genes. There is a soul. A soul that God very intentionally chose for you to parent. There is such beauty in that.
On July 25, 2006 God gifted us the miracle that is Aiden Patrick. He chose to come at the most inopportune time, and he certainly didn't make it easy on his momma. But he was beautiful, and we were blessed. Our lives changed the moment he took his first breath, we had no clue how much this tiny person was going to transform our very existence. Here we were, two naïve first time parents thinking of all the ways we were going to teach him, and our Heavenly Father was smiling in all knowing wisdom, aware of how much Aiden was about to teach us. Everything I had imagined it was going to be would be tested. All those times I judged in my own ignorance another parent, saying 'I'll never do that" came back to bite me tenfold. Aiden humbled me to my very core. Being his mom stripped me of an old self, one that was selfish in nature. I can't believe that he is rounding the corner and will be an official teenager this summer. I would have never been able to imagine who he was going to be when he was swaddled in my arms that very first day. Some of the things that God has used to mold him into the young man he is, I wouldn't have wanted for him. I have had to learn to trust God's will in his life, and let go of my own. Being his mom is my greatest achievement. Here are some of the things that being Aiden's mom has taught me...
KINDNESS. I am a fair weather person when it comes to being kind. If you are kind to me, I will be kind to you. But that is not how Aiden is wired. Aiden IS kindness. It doesn't matter if someone has been hateful or mean spirited, or even if a person blatantly expresses they do not like him. To Aiden everyone is a friend. He doesn't even see the dividing lines that most human beings acknowledge. He has the rare gift of looking at everyone as equally valuable and deserving of love. The world would be a better place if more people were like Aiden, of that I am sure. He doesn't possess a filter, and sometimes it makes me very uncomfortable that he will approach a complete stranger to compliment them. He won't dole out empty compliments either, he speaks truth, at least his truth very freely. He tells people what they need to hear without regard for self preservation. For instance, sometimes we tend to not speak up out of fear of rejection or being misunderstood. Aiden does not care. I feel like he has a special ability to look beyond outward appearances and social standings and see straight to the heart. I cared far more than I would like to admit about where I stood in the social food chain in my younger years. Aiden isn't bogged down by that. He doesn't want to fit in as badly as he wants to be true to himself. Initially I didn't see this as a good thing. I am going to expose my very flawed nature in admitting this but I really just wanted Aiden to fit in. I felt like that would be so much easier for him. My fear of him being the weird kid was stronger than my support for him being the kid that didn't compromise his character. My insecurities trumped his strengths. Thankfully he followed the prompting of the Holy Spirit versus listening to the unwise counsel of his mom. I saw a quote recently that really put me in my place, "No matter how educated, talented, rich or cool you believe you are, how you treat people ultimately tells all. Integrity is everything." I was incredibly bogged down by my disappointment that Aiden wasn't athletic. I think when I had a son I assumed it was just a given, that he would be a little sporty kid. That I would join the other moms in the bleachers cheering on my child. I knew that athletic kids generally are the cool kids and I just wanted Aiden to fit into the box. But my hopes for him in that way were selfishly motivated. Now don't get me wrong. There will be a time when I will force him into athletics not because of my vanity, but because sports teach kids a lot of responsibility and occupy their time. I am very well aware that idle hands are the devils playpen. So if he can't find hobbies of his own that utilize his time and energies, sports it is! But I had to go through this past couple years of realizing that my motives were dishonorable and acknowledge Aiden's personality, even if it didn't align with my expectations...as flawed as they were. I have to be okay with kids not understanding who he is, or appreciating it. I would much rather have a child that is genuinely kind than an all star. Ultimately his character is far more important than his earthly successes.
FORGIVNESS. “To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.” -C.S. Lewis. We don't get a say in what our children inherit from us, there were so many things I would have loved to decide on in our children's received traits. I am grateful that Aiden inherited his fathers ability to forgive. Sully has always impressed me so much with his ability to forgive. I am more apt to forgive only if I deem the perpetrator 'sorry' enough. Sully & Aiden have an endless well of grace for their offenders and I truly believe that is why they are such happy people in general. They are not weighted down and affected by the actions of others. Aiden has had many instances when it comes to school bullying when it would have certainly been easier to hold a grudge from the wrongdoing of some careless kids and their sharp tongues. However he continually wipes the slate clean and moves forward. Whether or not the trespasser asks for forgiveness, it is rewarded to them. He truly believes that bad behavior is due to a distressed heart. So he offers up empathy and kindness when met with malice and forgiveness is always the result. And he is very much human so there are definitely areas where he can improve, such as offering the same plethora of forgiveness he offers to others in the same way to his sister. She unfortunately is the chink in his forgiveness armor. He absolutely withholds grace when it comes to his arch nemesis Charlee Lynn.
CONFLICT MANAGEMENT. Ah, here is where my child inherited my genetics. Poor guy. Everyone handles stress differently. Aiden doesn't handle it at all. For instance, one time we were at Hidden Lake kayaking and Aiden needed something out of his dad's truck. The truck was locked, but the sun roof was open. Sully told Aiden to climb through the sunroof get the item then climb back up. The truck keys were buried in a gear bag on the waters edge so that was the easiest scenario for Aiden. Unfortunately he didn't realize that when the truck is locked, if you open the door from the inside you will sound the alarms. Instead of scaling his way back through the sunroof he opened the drivers side door and set off the security features on the truck. Aiden completely shut down. He sat in the truck and cried till I was able to get the keys and rescue him. Some people get very angry when they are in stressful situations. Some are made for it, they have the ability to proactively respond to stress, Sully & Charlee are lucky to be those kind of people. I can identify with Aiden, although he currently has more extreme case. I don't react well to stress. Unfortunately I have developed in my lifetime a few unhealthy coping mechanisms in dealing with stress & anxiety and have made it my mission to help Aiden. As a parent we cultivate those positive personality traits and I think it is equally important to dissuade the negative ones. Life is chalk full of stressful situations. Relationships with other humans especially are sources of stress. Having the ability to deal with things is imperative to be a healthy functioning and successful human being. Seeing this reaction in my son forced me to see it in myself. I can tell Aiden till I'm blue in the face that THIS is how you react to situations or I can begin by leading by example. Isn't it always funny how easy it is to recognize someone else's flaws and give them solid advice on how to overcome it yet we are often blinded by it in ourselves. Matthew 7:5 "Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friends eye." I think that applies to parenting. You can't tell your child do as I say, not as I do and expect them to respect you. As unnerving as it was to watch my child with this irrational response to conflict. I realized that ultimately it was smidgen personality and a bushel of learned behavior. Aiden is twelve years old, he's at the maturity level where we can have some honest conversations. I've had to admit to him that I struggle with this as well. It's something we have to work together on intentionally. When I fail, I am quick to point it out to him so he can see...and same goes for when he fails. I am hopeful that in sharing this with others they might not make the same mistakes I did in ignoring it for so long. It is much easier to thwart this at a younger age. It is also important that we as examples to our children take a cold hard look at how we manage our stress and conflict. Thankfully we have the BEST example in Christ, Aiden and I need to look no further than Him in overcoming this deficiency. Romans 8:6 "Letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to destruction. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to peace." The world will bring us troubles of many kinds we are assured of this in the scriptures, but we are told to take heed because God has overcome the world. Our lives should reflect that. Especially when we encounter trials. I have hope that Aiden and I are on the right track together towards learning how to handle stress and manage conflict.
CONFIDENCE. There is not a kid more comfortable in their skin as Aiden is. While many of his peers grapple with insecurities Aiden is unabashedly himself. I envy him this often. I am often shackled by my insecurities. Everything I say or do I am gaging it against what is socially acceptable. Aiden is not just confident in his appearance, or personality, but also in his faith. He stands up for what is good, what is right, and what is pleasing to God. Even if it costs him cool points. I don't always feel as strong in my convictions. How this kid can approach morals with so much conviction but not lose the element of empathy and love is inspiring. I worry about offending, or overstepping, and often times I miss opportunities to share Christ with others to save face. There have been times an adult has taken offence, or misinterpreted his well intentioned rebuke for disrespect. It is kind of tough spot as a parent as far as discipline goes. When and adult in the presence of kids chooses colorful language and the adults present don't speak up, if the child says "That language is offensive" are they being disrespectful? It's one of places where Aiden is stretching me. Maybe if I held the standard for myself and people who are in our presence a little higher my twelve year old wouldn't feel the need to be moral police. And maybe adults who react to negatively to a child's objection is a reaction of guilt vs. offense. Although in general confidence is a very good thing, it is something that also needs to be cultivated properly. We don't want confidence to overgrow into pride. Aiden needs to learn his place in this world. He is not the best at reading social que's and I am trying to approach this in a more Godly manner. There is this fine line where he needs to take heed to the spirits prompting in using his spiritual gifts, and learning when not to cast his pearls before swine sorta speak. Because he is young I think in many cases he lacks discernment. There is certainly an appropriate way to respect peoples personal bubbles, respect authority, and still be a light. I just needed to be aware too that my interference needs to be in Aiden's best interest, and not to save myself embarrassment. My hang ups need not be his.
BOUNDARIES. Aiden has none. To Aiden you really can't give to many hugs, there is no need for a personal bubble. He would still crawl into my lap if he could, and believe me he tries often. I recognize his love language is physical touch, and because that is not mine, it is something I have to work on intentionally to make sure he's feeling the love. Hugs, hand squeezes, pats on the back, snuggling up on the couch, to a kid like Aiden that is oxygen to the lungs. He doesn't just lack physical boundaries either, he has no problem broaching subjects that most folks would dance around. Not Aiden. He has taught me to be very careful with what is said in front of him. He has forced me to tackle my own issues with gossip. If I speak out of pocket about someone in front of Aiden, it will undoubtedly get back to them. With good intentions he will take matters into his own hands and try to defend my honor, or patch up any discord. I used to get really angry at him, and even discipline or scold him for telling people what I had said in private. Mom foul. That was purely me acting on my own guilt. If you don't want something repeated, then you shouldn't say it. Aiden may lack boundaries but he is honest, I will give him that. If he has an issue with someone they will hear about it straight from the horses mouth. I hope the world doesn't sour this in him. People will force him to recognize and respect their personal bubbles, but I hope he never loses his ability to be honest and upfront with people even when it is uncomfortable. And my prayers is that he learns to establish healthy boundaries as he grows so that ill willed people don't take advantage of his good nature. His kindness and empathy put him at risk to be a doormat. Hopefully his confident spirit will even things out a bit.
EMPATHY. I always knew Aiden was empathic. He takes on other peoples pain as his own. His best friend in the whole world was my mom. And I know that her suffering and eventual death took it toll on my fun loving kiddo. He was like a sponge, soaking in the hurt, fear, pain, and grief that not just my mom was experiencing but those of us who loved her too. I could see he was getting more and more withdrawn. Unable to be around my mom and retreating into video games, tv, and food. The only regrets I have about my mom's death are the ones that involve my kids. For seven long months my mom was my sole priority. Caring for her emotionally, physically and mentally. I would drop the kids off at school then go to her house and spend the day with her until the kids were out of school. By the time I picked them up I was exhausted. I was so emotionally spent, often times I would cry the whole way home. I didn't really have the energy to cook or clean, and I was mired in a very deep depression. I was suffering from anxiety. The kids ate fast food daily. I used tablets and tv to babysit. Aiden started gaining weight. This once very active and energetic child began to change. He was burdened. Even when things would lift and we would have 'good days' he carried guilt around for being able to enjoy things when he knew his grandma was suffering. He was tortured. I just wish I had been better prepared to parent him through that horrific time in our lives. But I wasn't even prepared myself for what was happening. And we all fumbled our way through it. That was nearly two years ago. I feel like an entirely different human being than the person meandering through that dark valley. I am keenly aware now of how important it is for me to help Aiden learn to TRUST God with everything. That the opposite of fear is FAITH. He can unload that unbearable burden onto the only shoulders that can hold the weight, Gods. It is amazing to see a child who cares more about other peoples comfort and happiness, more so than their own. Selflessness goes hand in hand with empathic humans. It also puts him at greater risk of being taken advantage of and abused by others. He will have to learn discernment. I share this personality trait with my son, thus why I literally laid down and died with my mom, so I clearly haven't gotten a healthy balance in my own life. I can only hope that as I tackle it myself I can better parent him. Thankfully Sully is my partner in crime because where I am weak he seems to be strong. And while he can be very empathetic he is not all consumed by it.
I am so blessed by both of my kids. Here in a few years I will have to sit down and write a blog on all the things Charlee has taught me. It is crazy to think of her list already, so different than Aiden's, but unique and special in her own right. I imagine in just a few more years I won't even resemble the person I am now. We grow up with them it seems. I was just a kid when we started this journey. Immature, judgmental, insecure, and completely unprepared. It is amazing just how much God can move in your life when you become a parent and realize you CANNOT do it without His wisdom, guidance, and abundant grace. And children give you such a beautiful perspective of God. As adults we suck the magic, awe, and wonder out of believing in Christ. The greatest gift in being a parent is witnessing the true childlike faith. As long as God loans these incredible humans to Sully and I, we will strive to be the kind of parents HE wants us to be.
When you believe in God, you realize the magnitude of being a parent so much differently, than if it was all just by chance. When this little tiny human emerges you can appreciate that they were crafted by the creator, not just a lump of cells and genes. There is a soul. A soul that God very intentionally chose for you to parent. There is such beauty in that.
On July 25, 2006 God gifted us the miracle that is Aiden Patrick. He chose to come at the most inopportune time, and he certainly didn't make it easy on his momma. But he was beautiful, and we were blessed. Our lives changed the moment he took his first breath, we had no clue how much this tiny person was going to transform our very existence. Here we were, two naïve first time parents thinking of all the ways we were going to teach him, and our Heavenly Father was smiling in all knowing wisdom, aware of how much Aiden was about to teach us. Everything I had imagined it was going to be would be tested. All those times I judged in my own ignorance another parent, saying 'I'll never do that" came back to bite me tenfold. Aiden humbled me to my very core. Being his mom stripped me of an old self, one that was selfish in nature. I can't believe that he is rounding the corner and will be an official teenager this summer. I would have never been able to imagine who he was going to be when he was swaddled in my arms that very first day. Some of the things that God has used to mold him into the young man he is, I wouldn't have wanted for him. I have had to learn to trust God's will in his life, and let go of my own. Being his mom is my greatest achievement. Here are some of the things that being Aiden's mom has taught me...
KINDNESS. I am a fair weather person when it comes to being kind. If you are kind to me, I will be kind to you. But that is not how Aiden is wired. Aiden IS kindness. It doesn't matter if someone has been hateful or mean spirited, or even if a person blatantly expresses they do not like him. To Aiden everyone is a friend. He doesn't even see the dividing lines that most human beings acknowledge. He has the rare gift of looking at everyone as equally valuable and deserving of love. The world would be a better place if more people were like Aiden, of that I am sure. He doesn't possess a filter, and sometimes it makes me very uncomfortable that he will approach a complete stranger to compliment them. He won't dole out empty compliments either, he speaks truth, at least his truth very freely. He tells people what they need to hear without regard for self preservation. For instance, sometimes we tend to not speak up out of fear of rejection or being misunderstood. Aiden does not care. I feel like he has a special ability to look beyond outward appearances and social standings and see straight to the heart. I cared far more than I would like to admit about where I stood in the social food chain in my younger years. Aiden isn't bogged down by that. He doesn't want to fit in as badly as he wants to be true to himself. Initially I didn't see this as a good thing. I am going to expose my very flawed nature in admitting this but I really just wanted Aiden to fit in. I felt like that would be so much easier for him. My fear of him being the weird kid was stronger than my support for him being the kid that didn't compromise his character. My insecurities trumped his strengths. Thankfully he followed the prompting of the Holy Spirit versus listening to the unwise counsel of his mom. I saw a quote recently that really put me in my place, "No matter how educated, talented, rich or cool you believe you are, how you treat people ultimately tells all. Integrity is everything." I was incredibly bogged down by my disappointment that Aiden wasn't athletic. I think when I had a son I assumed it was just a given, that he would be a little sporty kid. That I would join the other moms in the bleachers cheering on my child. I knew that athletic kids generally are the cool kids and I just wanted Aiden to fit into the box. But my hopes for him in that way were selfishly motivated. Now don't get me wrong. There will be a time when I will force him into athletics not because of my vanity, but because sports teach kids a lot of responsibility and occupy their time. I am very well aware that idle hands are the devils playpen. So if he can't find hobbies of his own that utilize his time and energies, sports it is! But I had to go through this past couple years of realizing that my motives were dishonorable and acknowledge Aiden's personality, even if it didn't align with my expectations...as flawed as they were. I have to be okay with kids not understanding who he is, or appreciating it. I would much rather have a child that is genuinely kind than an all star. Ultimately his character is far more important than his earthly successes.
FORGIVNESS. “To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.” -C.S. Lewis. We don't get a say in what our children inherit from us, there were so many things I would have loved to decide on in our children's received traits. I am grateful that Aiden inherited his fathers ability to forgive. Sully has always impressed me so much with his ability to forgive. I am more apt to forgive only if I deem the perpetrator 'sorry' enough. Sully & Aiden have an endless well of grace for their offenders and I truly believe that is why they are such happy people in general. They are not weighted down and affected by the actions of others. Aiden has had many instances when it comes to school bullying when it would have certainly been easier to hold a grudge from the wrongdoing of some careless kids and their sharp tongues. However he continually wipes the slate clean and moves forward. Whether or not the trespasser asks for forgiveness, it is rewarded to them. He truly believes that bad behavior is due to a distressed heart. So he offers up empathy and kindness when met with malice and forgiveness is always the result. And he is very much human so there are definitely areas where he can improve, such as offering the same plethora of forgiveness he offers to others in the same way to his sister. She unfortunately is the chink in his forgiveness armor. He absolutely withholds grace when it comes to his arch nemesis Charlee Lynn.
CONFLICT MANAGEMENT. Ah, here is where my child inherited my genetics. Poor guy. Everyone handles stress differently. Aiden doesn't handle it at all. For instance, one time we were at Hidden Lake kayaking and Aiden needed something out of his dad's truck. The truck was locked, but the sun roof was open. Sully told Aiden to climb through the sunroof get the item then climb back up. The truck keys were buried in a gear bag on the waters edge so that was the easiest scenario for Aiden. Unfortunately he didn't realize that when the truck is locked, if you open the door from the inside you will sound the alarms. Instead of scaling his way back through the sunroof he opened the drivers side door and set off the security features on the truck. Aiden completely shut down. He sat in the truck and cried till I was able to get the keys and rescue him. Some people get very angry when they are in stressful situations. Some are made for it, they have the ability to proactively respond to stress, Sully & Charlee are lucky to be those kind of people. I can identify with Aiden, although he currently has more extreme case. I don't react well to stress. Unfortunately I have developed in my lifetime a few unhealthy coping mechanisms in dealing with stress & anxiety and have made it my mission to help Aiden. As a parent we cultivate those positive personality traits and I think it is equally important to dissuade the negative ones. Life is chalk full of stressful situations. Relationships with other humans especially are sources of stress. Having the ability to deal with things is imperative to be a healthy functioning and successful human being. Seeing this reaction in my son forced me to see it in myself. I can tell Aiden till I'm blue in the face that THIS is how you react to situations or I can begin by leading by example. Isn't it always funny how easy it is to recognize someone else's flaws and give them solid advice on how to overcome it yet we are often blinded by it in ourselves. Matthew 7:5 "Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friends eye." I think that applies to parenting. You can't tell your child do as I say, not as I do and expect them to respect you. As unnerving as it was to watch my child with this irrational response to conflict. I realized that ultimately it was smidgen personality and a bushel of learned behavior. Aiden is twelve years old, he's at the maturity level where we can have some honest conversations. I've had to admit to him that I struggle with this as well. It's something we have to work together on intentionally. When I fail, I am quick to point it out to him so he can see...and same goes for when he fails. I am hopeful that in sharing this with others they might not make the same mistakes I did in ignoring it for so long. It is much easier to thwart this at a younger age. It is also important that we as examples to our children take a cold hard look at how we manage our stress and conflict. Thankfully we have the BEST example in Christ, Aiden and I need to look no further than Him in overcoming this deficiency. Romans 8:6 "Letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to destruction. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to peace." The world will bring us troubles of many kinds we are assured of this in the scriptures, but we are told to take heed because God has overcome the world. Our lives should reflect that. Especially when we encounter trials. I have hope that Aiden and I are on the right track together towards learning how to handle stress and manage conflict.
CONFIDENCE. There is not a kid more comfortable in their skin as Aiden is. While many of his peers grapple with insecurities Aiden is unabashedly himself. I envy him this often. I am often shackled by my insecurities. Everything I say or do I am gaging it against what is socially acceptable. Aiden is not just confident in his appearance, or personality, but also in his faith. He stands up for what is good, what is right, and what is pleasing to God. Even if it costs him cool points. I don't always feel as strong in my convictions. How this kid can approach morals with so much conviction but not lose the element of empathy and love is inspiring. I worry about offending, or overstepping, and often times I miss opportunities to share Christ with others to save face. There have been times an adult has taken offence, or misinterpreted his well intentioned rebuke for disrespect. It is kind of tough spot as a parent as far as discipline goes. When and adult in the presence of kids chooses colorful language and the adults present don't speak up, if the child says "That language is offensive" are they being disrespectful? It's one of places where Aiden is stretching me. Maybe if I held the standard for myself and people who are in our presence a little higher my twelve year old wouldn't feel the need to be moral police. And maybe adults who react to negatively to a child's objection is a reaction of guilt vs. offense. Although in general confidence is a very good thing, it is something that also needs to be cultivated properly. We don't want confidence to overgrow into pride. Aiden needs to learn his place in this world. He is not the best at reading social que's and I am trying to approach this in a more Godly manner. There is this fine line where he needs to take heed to the spirits prompting in using his spiritual gifts, and learning when not to cast his pearls before swine sorta speak. Because he is young I think in many cases he lacks discernment. There is certainly an appropriate way to respect peoples personal bubbles, respect authority, and still be a light. I just needed to be aware too that my interference needs to be in Aiden's best interest, and not to save myself embarrassment. My hang ups need not be his.
BOUNDARIES. Aiden has none. To Aiden you really can't give to many hugs, there is no need for a personal bubble. He would still crawl into my lap if he could, and believe me he tries often. I recognize his love language is physical touch, and because that is not mine, it is something I have to work on intentionally to make sure he's feeling the love. Hugs, hand squeezes, pats on the back, snuggling up on the couch, to a kid like Aiden that is oxygen to the lungs. He doesn't just lack physical boundaries either, he has no problem broaching subjects that most folks would dance around. Not Aiden. He has taught me to be very careful with what is said in front of him. He has forced me to tackle my own issues with gossip. If I speak out of pocket about someone in front of Aiden, it will undoubtedly get back to them. With good intentions he will take matters into his own hands and try to defend my honor, or patch up any discord. I used to get really angry at him, and even discipline or scold him for telling people what I had said in private. Mom foul. That was purely me acting on my own guilt. If you don't want something repeated, then you shouldn't say it. Aiden may lack boundaries but he is honest, I will give him that. If he has an issue with someone they will hear about it straight from the horses mouth. I hope the world doesn't sour this in him. People will force him to recognize and respect their personal bubbles, but I hope he never loses his ability to be honest and upfront with people even when it is uncomfortable. And my prayers is that he learns to establish healthy boundaries as he grows so that ill willed people don't take advantage of his good nature. His kindness and empathy put him at risk to be a doormat. Hopefully his confident spirit will even things out a bit.
I am so blessed by both of my kids. Here in a few years I will have to sit down and write a blog on all the things Charlee has taught me. It is crazy to think of her list already, so different than Aiden's, but unique and special in her own right. I imagine in just a few more years I won't even resemble the person I am now. We grow up with them it seems. I was just a kid when we started this journey. Immature, judgmental, insecure, and completely unprepared. It is amazing just how much God can move in your life when you become a parent and realize you CANNOT do it without His wisdom, guidance, and abundant grace. And children give you such a beautiful perspective of God. As adults we suck the magic, awe, and wonder out of believing in Christ. The greatest gift in being a parent is witnessing the true childlike faith. As long as God loans these incredible humans to Sully and I, we will strive to be the kind of parents HE wants us to be.
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