"Everything in life is a reflection of a choice you have made. If you want a different result, make a different choice."

I wish I had summarized the month of March from the comfort of my lounge chair, poolside, overlooking Lake Havasu. At that moment, life was going exactly as I had hoped. We had escaped the frigid north for some much needed R&R. While my fellow Alaskans were enduring the below zero temperatures, we were swimming and hiking in our summer attire. The seriousness of Covid-19 hadn't fully taken root, there weren't any travel advisories the day we left, in fact the airport was packed. Long term parking was FULL, our plane was FULL, and things seemed normal...minus a lot of signs asking people to wash their hands. If my Dad hadn't turned on the news every morning I wouldn't have even known things were escalating daily back home. Arizona hadn't quite got the memo. Businesses were open, restaurants were busy, and the stores still had a full stock of toilet paper. By the time we flew home though the winds had shifted. On our flight home there we many people wearing masks. People were sitting further apart. Each day after we arrived home brought new information, new mandates, and an excess of fear and uncertainty. I was grateful for our wonderful vacation, filled with so many sweet memories. For a week we were somewhat removed from the chaos and craziness that we certainly encountered in abundance upon our arrival home. Had I know that things were going to go the way they did I wouldn't have gone, so in many ways I am glad the day we left we were blissfully unaware. Thankfully our diligence in hand washing and unintentional social distancing in Havasu (their school was still in session when we were there so we had most activities to ourselves) payed off and we did not pick up the coronavirus and bring it back to Alaska.

I feel like our vacation was the perfect primer for facing life as it is now. Shut in. I feel like getting away from the monotony of life, chores, and responsibilities helped us refocus somewhat. Little did I know that a lot of time would be available to continue that. I think the silver lining in this pandemic, is the realization of how much time we waste. At least it has been for us. How many hours we devote to our devices, tv shows, social media, work, hobbies...how little time we interact with one another, or more importantly with God. At first the idea of my kids being home all day everyday was met with uncertainty. There was a small part of me that had hoped to use the time while the kids were at school to get into shape and really work hard at losing weight. But in the past that time hadn't actually gone to that, rather it had been wasted by hours of Hallmark movies and 'My 600-Pound Life' episodes. Turns out the kids being home has motivated me more to be active and productive. Maybe it's not in the regimented routine I had anticipated...but rather in unplanned activities with the kids, and far better workouts than if had I walked the five miles a day goal I had originally set.

A couple days ago the neighborhood kids had taken a ride and one had gotten stuck. Sully was in the sauna so I was appointed the job of rescue. It was 7:30 at night and I was in my jammies...not really because it was 7:30 at night either, I had been in them all day...cause quarantine, am I right?! I threw on a hoodie and some gloves, hopped on my sled and followed the boys to the scene of the crime. I knew when I saw the ski tips at the crest of the hill the tunnel was likely buried…and it was. I parked as close as I could get to it and as soon as I stepped off my risers I sank into the snow up to my thigh. Lovely. At first I surmised I deserved it, big girls sink fast. But when I saw the lightweight boys also struggling through the snow I realized...this is just gonna be unfun. So we army crawled up the hill and began the hard work of digging it out and pulling it downward. Thirty minutes of that puts hours of walking to shame. Once the sled was free, and the boys were seemingly out of trouble. One of them admitted they couldn't pull start their sled. So I had to army crawl over and start his sled then army crawl back to my sled before Aiden and I could get back home. I could have made a workout video that day, because I can tell you every muscle in my body was sore and I was whooped. I would have called it 'Sled Rescue 1' cause Lord knows there will be more, these kids are rookies I tell ya. My days have had MANY of these types of spontaneous workouts with the kids home, and it's been excellent for my physical health but even better for my mental well being too. The cherry on top was the boys telling me I was such a cool mom. For a mom who has some serious insecurities about her appearance that really lifted my spirits. I often wonder if Aiden & Charlee's friends tease them about their chubby mom. I know Sully hits it out of the park with the cool status, but I often feel that I fall flat. So I guess the point of my ramblings is that quarantine has taught me to let go of my expectations, charts, spreadsheets, and chronic efforts to achieve some semblance of perfectionism. Rather, embrace the chaos fully, and everyday seize opportunities as they present themselves.

The lack of human interaction has been tough. I have this core group of humans outside of my little family,  that I rather enjoy being around and I am separated from them. Thankfully we have kept up via text and Facebook. It's not the same though. I think when this is all behind us I want to have more meals & game nights with my homies. I took it for granted how much I enjoy their company, we feel their absence tremendously. We let life get to busy for the quality face to face human interaction and I don't want that to go back to normal. I had a spell in my life where I didn't really have a tribe. When my mom got sick my whole life was devoted to her care. I completely separated myself from my friends. I spent everyday with my mom. And when she passed I was grappling with that loss and wasn't exactly good company. But I remember distinctly praying that God would bring me friends. The kind that don't talk about you behind your back, who root for you to succeed, who encourage your marriage, and edify you as a person. I knew it was a tall order. But I prayed it anyways. And God was faithful. So it extra sucks to be separated from my pals. But I'm extremely grateful that I have such amazing friends to miss.

I had a total pity party the night before online school began, more-so it was a feeling of inadequacy, I didn't really understand how it was all supposed to work. I felt like between the elementary schedule and junior high schedule something would get lost in the shuffle. I was frustrated with our hit/miss internet and cell connections. And lets be honest, the world is crazy right now...so I threw a little tantrum. But aside from that I think I'm overall shocked at how well I am doing. I feel like God has been really working on me these past few years to overcome some of the big things tripping me up. I used to really struggle with hypochondria, germaphobia, & anxiety. Self diagnosed of course. I have been cured of those things for the most part...the hard way. Cause that seems to be the way I learn best. So when the coronavirus rolled around I shocked a lot of my friends/family with my lack of reaction. While I am still very much a work in progress in MANY areas of my life I am happy to report I have overcome some of my shortcomings...or shall we call them quirk?! Lol! I am extremely thankful that God worked so diligently on these things too, because my kids rely on Sully and I to gage their reactions to things, and our ability to not panic and fixate on the current world events has given our kids the peace to be kids and enjoy kid things. When we do discuss what's going on in the world we try and use a Christian lens to view it in. Thankfully there are TONS of fantastic sermons on trusting God in troubled times. And there are a lot of really good life lessons to be gleaned from this time in our lives. One of which is empathy, another is selflessness. I buffer the doom & gloom, the political mumbo jumbo, and the economic worries. But we aren't sheltering our kids from what's happening, we are just choosing how we as a family are going to react to it.

If I had to describe March in one word, I would use...Reflection. The month began with our trip to Arizona which was a relaxing time of reflection for me. Where I looked back at my new years resolutions with a renewed hope and motivation. When I returned home I found myself with an enormous amount of time to really start accomplishing things I had put off for years, and an opportunity to buckle down on those things I wanted to see change in my life. Instead of sitting in front of the TV we sit around a camp fire most days and evenings and use that time to...you guessed it...reflect on our lives. Where we are proud of what we've accomplished, and where we want to see change. I have chosen to abandon stress and rest instead. Strangely I am more productive than ever but feel the most rested. I think I realized that I used to confuse rest with laziness. Maybe after another month of this I will be singing a different tune. My word for April could be a lot less optimistic.

One of the things that makes finding joy in the storms that life keeps raging in...Sully. He does not waste his life on worry. Even when he has every reason to. He chooses everyday to be happy, and bring happiness to those around him. He stays productive, he keeps the kids distracted with activities...the snowmobile trails on the property are packed down from the endless hours of tote sledding, he fires up the sauna knowing the kids will last all of 5 minutes and want to come inside, he builds beautiful warm fires so they can make smores. I overheard Charlee pointing out there was a clear spot on the lake that would make an excellent skating rink tomorrow...I know Sully and I bet he has the equipment bag full of skates and pads in the garage thawing out for shenanigans in the morning. He's helped me with all my projects and deep cleans, rearranging heavy piece of furniture from room to room at my whims. Fixing dinner when I don't want to. Helping me keep up with chores that are usually 'mine' like dishes, laundry, and feeding the livestock. And still keeping up with 'his' chores. I am not so sure I could have the progress I have over the years without him always cheering me on, and continually picking up my slack. And never once has he been resentful. Sometimes when I feel like quitting, accepting defeat...I think about the sacrifices Sully has made to ensure that I succeed. And that really helps give me the courage to keep moving forward. I know he's not perfect, and I would never want to give off the vibe that we have everything figured out. We are a very normal couple. Sully says really dumb things, I overreact...we both have flaws we are continually trying to overcome and continually failing. I think the fact that we love God first and each other second is the only reason this works. And God is good...Always.