Back to life...back to reality...

Vacation. There is something very awesome about being in charge of yourself, and only yourself. You get into such a rut of motherhood sometimes that you don't realize every waking moment you are caring for other human beings. In a lot of ways I daily missed my minions, and the responsibilities that come with being their mommy. But I left Alaska willing myself to ENJOY the break.

I had a lot of time to reflect on things, things that I love about my life and things I would like to change. I think sometimes when we are in our ruts we don't notice certain aspects of our lives and acknowledge the changes that need to made, either because we are just to busy to see it or because we choose to blatantly ignore it.

I'm a passive human by nature, I hate conflict, and I will avoid it at all costs...even at the cost of my own well being or happiness. It is hard for me to even discipline my kids at times because of it. Because I have somewhat nurtured this flaw, told myself it is WHO I am, and accepted it as part of me...I didn't realize that it was very much a sin issue. In many instances I enable people by being so timid, especially my kids! Learning to strengthen my spine is going to be a tough battle, but I believe that I will be a better wife, mother, sister, friend, and overall human being in doing this. Especially when it comes to speaking truth in love. I am generally more concerned about people's feelings than being honest with them, and who does that even help? I know when it comes to me, I would rather people be honest with me than phony just to spare my feelings. I think as a mom, I tend to hinder Sully because I am always saving my kids from discipline, discipline they very much need. Enabling bad behavior and not supporting my partner. To some this concept probably seems so foreign. Those of you who have no issue asserting yourself. I envy you. I would rather eat a meal I didn't order than tell the waiter they made a mistake. How crazy is that? But the result of being this person is that I am a target for being taken advantage of, and I swear we have a sign on our foreheads that certain abusive people can see a mile away! God really showed me I need to learn to establish boundaries with people, speak up for myself, and to be more assertive!

God really blessed me with an amazing family. I can't even really express how each and every one of them inspired me while I was visiting. Some of them are going through some tremendous hardships, and amidst their grief they are such shining examples of Christ. It really made me evaluate how I handle myself when experiencing trials and tribulations. There was really so much wisdom to glean from each of them, and I was blessed they were willing to share both their strengths and weaknesses with me while I was there. I think sometimes it is easy to let the geographical distance turn into distance in the relationships, but it is so imperative that we continue to put effort into keeping in touch with our loved ones. Sometimes seeing yourself through the eyes of your family you are able to learn a lot about yourself that you never knew. I am thankful that they were so willing to share with me.

As for my weight loss? Well I gained three pounds...hahaha! Between eating out a TON and bad weather I just didn't rock it, I am actually surprised I didn't gain more...now that I am home I am going to take a couple days to detox from a two week carb overload and get back on track. The break was well worth it, it was an emotional reboot that I so desperately needed.

While I was away Sully got hired by an oilfield company, we will be journeying back into the oilfield schedule of hitches. It is bitter/sweet as with anything in life. After experiencing owning our own business, working for himself, we realized that we were most definitely spoiled by the oilfield schedule. Going from a week off at a time to just a weekend was brutal. And as awesome as it was having him home every night, the quality time as a family was drastically cut short. We decided the best thing right now for us as a family was to take the job. With that will come the downside of being a single parent part time, we've never done a two week rotation so that in itself will be interesting. I know it will be the love/hate relationship I had with it before. I hate the time apart from my best friend, but love the days off and useful time we have together. I know there are mixed emotions when it comes to the oilfield schedule, but we have always been fans. I am going to really focus on the positives, keep trucking on my goals, and hopefully in a year when I look back at my blog I will not only be happier but in a smaller size of jeans. I'm learning that a lot of our outward problems, stem from inward problems...you can't really fix the outward without starting from the inside out.

I feel like God is very much refining me right now, and although the process if painful...I am excited to see the work of art at the end of this road. There will always be imperfections, and issues, I will always be a work in progress...but this is my testimony...and I want to glorify God in all of it.