What better way to prove you've learned something...than to achieve success based on that learning?
I wasn't the best student in school , I pulled good grades out of requirement from my parents, but school for me was all about the social interactions rather than the education. I was a horrible test taker, even if I knew the subject inside/out the pressure applied by a test would cause such stress that I would flub up the answers and relied heavily on the entirety of my body of work in the class to keep the test scores from pulling me below a B...into unsatisfactory territory with my padre. I loathed waiting for the test results in high school...but I found myself on the other side of that desk today when I walked into my Dr.'s office to find out the first series of results from my lab work.
I feel like such a novice in the subject matter of the human body, a subject I think we as humans should put much more stock into. I am thankful for a physician that has the patience to explain everything to me in detail. It turns out my cortisol levels were crazy out of whack, so my previous Doctors were not far off in saying that I wasn't 'handling my stress' properly, but the answer was NOT anti-anxiety/anti-depressants. That would have alleviated some of my symptoms but not the underlying issue. Cortisol has influence on your blood sugar, blood glucose, immune responses, anti-inflammatory actions, blood pressure, heart & blood vessel tone & contraction, and central nervous system activation. It's got a fairly important job in keeping our bodies running smoothly. Cortisol levels fluctuate throughout the day and night, in a normal person peaking at about 8 am and reaching its lowest point at around 4 am. For me the pattern was way off. I had almost no cortisol levels until about noon and the peak was in the evening. That would explain why getting out of bed in the morning is a grueling task. It also explains why at night if I want to go bed before 2 am I need to use an over the counter sleep aid. I am going to start taking a booster that should help kick start my cortisol levels in the morning when they are supposed to be high and hopefully if I continue this long enough my body will pick up on the new routine and do it naturally on it's own.
My doctor was suspicious that the prolonged use of antibiotics to treat the perioral dermatitis flare up I had after Aiden was born had caused a yeast infection in my gut so they tested my gut bacteria. We luckily didn't find any yeast, so that was super positive...but they found that the good bacteria that is supposed to live in your belly does not exist at all in mine. I have two squatters in there, two types of bad bacteria instead. This combined with the low cortisol levels explains my losing battle with the bulge. Thankfully there are natural medications that can eradicate the bad bacteria and medications to replenish the good bacteria. In fixing this a lot of my vitamin deficiencies and autoimmune issues will be alleviated.
Unfortunately I did have insulin resistance, although my levels they were at the very bottom of high. With some change in diet, and the tweaking of all of the above this should rectify itself before progressing into larger health issues like Diabetes. We had a long talk about my dependency on artificial sweeteners, and that was a really tough subject for me because it is something I have been unwilling to give up in the past. BUT God is funny cause he had prepared me for this in advance without my full understanding at the time of what was going on. My mom's oncologist when giving her the rundown on her options in treating cancer was very clear that when you choose your path for healing you have to commit to it, give it your all. If you are going to half-ass it, there is really no point in pursuing it at all. So here I sit at my own crossroads and I need to decide if I want this enough to sacrifice some of my creature comforts for the greater good?! The answer is undoubtedly YES! I am willing to do whatever needs to be done to achieve health and wellness.
I have a hormone test still in progress, although with my cortisol levels so extremely abnormal we are expecting my hormones to be similar. I also am doing a sugar test to make sure my insulin resistance wasn't just a fluke because of something I ate before the test. That is the last of the tests thankfully. My Thyroid was in excellent condition and working properly so that test was a relief. Once we have everything evaluated they are going to put me on a diet...or maybe a better word is lifestyle change for eating. It's fascinating they can use your blood type, and your medical history and figure out what foods are going to help you get the nutrients you NEED and also help you figure out how to eat to lose weight and feel better. And as promised all before we call 2016 to a close. I am so overwhelmed right now, for the first time in a long time I have genuine hope. It is a tremendous relief to have weight of this taken off my shoulders to an extent. I realize that it is still going to take discipline on my part to stick to and use all the tools I have been given. The reward in all of this is that I know I can do it, I have been doing it for 10 years but I will finally see the results of my hard work.
Looking back over pictures, I can recognize when my body wasn't working against me. When things were in tune and running like they were supposed to. Obvious signs are that my weight was manageable, my hair/skin/nails look healthy, and I was actively enjoying my life.
There are parts of me that are incredibly proud of myself for doing the very best I could even though I felt so bad. Hiking mountains when your packing 50, 60, & 70 pounds of excess weight sucks. Lets just be honest doing ANYTHING when your packing 50, 60, & 70 pounds of excess weight sucks. But I'm glad for the most part I kept moving forward, I know there were lots of lows sprinkled in there where I was buried in depression, self loathing, and grasping for a sliver of motivation, but somehow through it all I was able to always claw my way out and keep trying. For that I can be proud.
God's grace has been the greatest gift throughout this journey, and I feel blessed in many ways for the experience of that past ten years, as strange as it sounds. The girl I used to be was vain and devoid of grace. I was judgmental to those who struggled with their weight, and I let appearances become more important to me than they ever should have been. I've been humbled, and because my flaws were laid bare, I can empathize so much easier with others.
I was excited today to share all of this with my mom, who aside from Sully has been my biggest cheerleader in this. She has seen me through all of my stages of life, and she has shared that watching me struggle these past ten has been hard. Having children now of my own I understand that sentiment all to well. I know that for her in this season of life it is important that I am going to be okay, although truth be told no matter how skinny I am, or good I feel...life won't ever be completely okay if she's not in it. But I want to give her that peace of mind, take that worry off her plate, and this is the closest I've come to finding resolution.
My doctor did emphasize that regulating my cortisol will help with it's everyday function but that stress and anxiety still affects the adrenals. So there will definitely be some figuring out how to cope in healthy ways with stress for this girl so I don't continue to have adrenal fatigue. I think the only answer in solving the role stress plays in my life is to acknowledge that this much discord is a direct result in my not allowing God control. I think like with anything in life, at first, it has to be a very conscious attempt...but after a while it becomes your routine. One of my coping mechanisms is food, that is something that is counterproductive and ultimately harmful. I need to replace food with God. And there is no better time than now to start making those changes. We live in a world that is determined to stress us out. I've noticed more recently a huge source of stress for me is social media. I think as a stay at home mom it has become a crutch for me, an outlet for me of sorts because I don't have a 'job' that allows me interaction with humans who want to talk about things other than transformers and shopkins. But I've also realized it not only sucks a huge portion of my time away, it also sucks my joy. It's a tough thing to limit, when you have bad habits of consulting it frequently throughout the day...but again, a conscious effort to change becomes a routine. I have PLENTY of projects to keep me busy, and there are plenty of service opportunities in our community if I get bored.
I've put all my eggs in this basket when it comes to healing. I've tried it all, this is the last stone unturned in the journey to restore my Joy. I am going to commit to what my doctor has given me as a plan of action, and my prayer is that the combination of natural medicine and spiritual discipline I can finally achieve the healing I am so desperately seeking. It used to be about the scale, but it has grown into a much greater goal.
I feel like such a novice in the subject matter of the human body, a subject I think we as humans should put much more stock into. I am thankful for a physician that has the patience to explain everything to me in detail. It turns out my cortisol levels were crazy out of whack, so my previous Doctors were not far off in saying that I wasn't 'handling my stress' properly, but the answer was NOT anti-anxiety/anti-depressants. That would have alleviated some of my symptoms but not the underlying issue. Cortisol has influence on your blood sugar, blood glucose, immune responses, anti-inflammatory actions, blood pressure, heart & blood vessel tone & contraction, and central nervous system activation. It's got a fairly important job in keeping our bodies running smoothly. Cortisol levels fluctuate throughout the day and night, in a normal person peaking at about 8 am and reaching its lowest point at around 4 am. For me the pattern was way off. I had almost no cortisol levels until about noon and the peak was in the evening. That would explain why getting out of bed in the morning is a grueling task. It also explains why at night if I want to go bed before 2 am I need to use an over the counter sleep aid. I am going to start taking a booster that should help kick start my cortisol levels in the morning when they are supposed to be high and hopefully if I continue this long enough my body will pick up on the new routine and do it naturally on it's own.
My doctor was suspicious that the prolonged use of antibiotics to treat the perioral dermatitis flare up I had after Aiden was born had caused a yeast infection in my gut so they tested my gut bacteria. We luckily didn't find any yeast, so that was super positive...but they found that the good bacteria that is supposed to live in your belly does not exist at all in mine. I have two squatters in there, two types of bad bacteria instead. This combined with the low cortisol levels explains my losing battle with the bulge. Thankfully there are natural medications that can eradicate the bad bacteria and medications to replenish the good bacteria. In fixing this a lot of my vitamin deficiencies and autoimmune issues will be alleviated.
Unfortunately I did have insulin resistance, although my levels they were at the very bottom of high. With some change in diet, and the tweaking of all of the above this should rectify itself before progressing into larger health issues like Diabetes. We had a long talk about my dependency on artificial sweeteners, and that was a really tough subject for me because it is something I have been unwilling to give up in the past. BUT God is funny cause he had prepared me for this in advance without my full understanding at the time of what was going on. My mom's oncologist when giving her the rundown on her options in treating cancer was very clear that when you choose your path for healing you have to commit to it, give it your all. If you are going to half-ass it, there is really no point in pursuing it at all. So here I sit at my own crossroads and I need to decide if I want this enough to sacrifice some of my creature comforts for the greater good?! The answer is undoubtedly YES! I am willing to do whatever needs to be done to achieve health and wellness.
I have a hormone test still in progress, although with my cortisol levels so extremely abnormal we are expecting my hormones to be similar. I also am doing a sugar test to make sure my insulin resistance wasn't just a fluke because of something I ate before the test. That is the last of the tests thankfully. My Thyroid was in excellent condition and working properly so that test was a relief. Once we have everything evaluated they are going to put me on a diet...or maybe a better word is lifestyle change for eating. It's fascinating they can use your blood type, and your medical history and figure out what foods are going to help you get the nutrients you NEED and also help you figure out how to eat to lose weight and feel better. And as promised all before we call 2016 to a close. I am so overwhelmed right now, for the first time in a long time I have genuine hope. It is a tremendous relief to have weight of this taken off my shoulders to an extent. I realize that it is still going to take discipline on my part to stick to and use all the tools I have been given. The reward in all of this is that I know I can do it, I have been doing it for 10 years but I will finally see the results of my hard work.
Looking back over pictures, I can recognize when my body wasn't working against me. When things were in tune and running like they were supposed to. Obvious signs are that my weight was manageable, my hair/skin/nails look healthy, and I was actively enjoying my life.
God's grace has been the greatest gift throughout this journey, and I feel blessed in many ways for the experience of that past ten years, as strange as it sounds. The girl I used to be was vain and devoid of grace. I was judgmental to those who struggled with their weight, and I let appearances become more important to me than they ever should have been. I've been humbled, and because my flaws were laid bare, I can empathize so much easier with others.
I was excited today to share all of this with my mom, who aside from Sully has been my biggest cheerleader in this. She has seen me through all of my stages of life, and she has shared that watching me struggle these past ten has been hard. Having children now of my own I understand that sentiment all to well. I know that for her in this season of life it is important that I am going to be okay, although truth be told no matter how skinny I am, or good I feel...life won't ever be completely okay if she's not in it. But I want to give her that peace of mind, take that worry off her plate, and this is the closest I've come to finding resolution.
My doctor did emphasize that regulating my cortisol will help with it's everyday function but that stress and anxiety still affects the adrenals. So there will definitely be some figuring out how to cope in healthy ways with stress for this girl so I don't continue to have adrenal fatigue. I think the only answer in solving the role stress plays in my life is to acknowledge that this much discord is a direct result in my not allowing God control. I think like with anything in life, at first, it has to be a very conscious attempt...but after a while it becomes your routine. One of my coping mechanisms is food, that is something that is counterproductive and ultimately harmful. I need to replace food with God. And there is no better time than now to start making those changes. We live in a world that is determined to stress us out. I've noticed more recently a huge source of stress for me is social media. I think as a stay at home mom it has become a crutch for me, an outlet for me of sorts because I don't have a 'job' that allows me interaction with humans who want to talk about things other than transformers and shopkins. But I've also realized it not only sucks a huge portion of my time away, it also sucks my joy. It's a tough thing to limit, when you have bad habits of consulting it frequently throughout the day...but again, a conscious effort to change becomes a routine. I have PLENTY of projects to keep me busy, and there are plenty of service opportunities in our community if I get bored.
I've put all my eggs in this basket when it comes to healing. I've tried it all, this is the last stone unturned in the journey to restore my Joy. I am going to commit to what my doctor has given me as a plan of action, and my prayer is that the combination of natural medicine and spiritual discipline I can finally achieve the healing I am so desperately seeking. It used to be about the scale, but it has grown into a much greater goal.
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